Safaa Abdel-Aziz asked:
Islam has greatly emphasized the topic of affectionate, caring, devoting and respecting the parents, the mother and the father. In our babyhood and childhood, we essentially required the defense, feel affection, development and cultivation from our parents. On the other hand, when our parents become old, they need us to look after them and take care of them.
For more than 1400 years ago, the Prophet Muhammad said:” The paradise is under the feet of the mothers”.
“Your Lord has decreed that you shall not worship (anyone) but Allah and that you be kind and good to the parents. If either or both of them reach old age while they are with you, say not to them a word of contempt, (so much as) ‘Ugh’ nor chide them, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor and generous words. And, out of kindness and mercy, lower for them ‘the wings of humility’ out of mercy; and pray; and say ‘O my Lord! Bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood. ” (Surah 17:23-24).
This means not saying anything that may contain the slightest hint of irritation. [The word ‘uff’ (like 'Ugh') in the verse, translated here as ‘a word of disrespect’] comes from the word ‘aff’, which is similar to the word ‘taff’; both words refer to the dirt that collects under fingernails, and [in Arabic] when one is annoyed and fed up with something, one says ‘uff!’ to it.
Mother’ Rights is three times than father’!
Nevertheless, out of the two parents, the mother has been given superior preference as far as compassion and sympathy is concerned.
This story illustrates that:
A man came to the Prophet Muhammad and asked:
The man:” To whom should I be kind?”
The Prophet replied, “Your mother.”
The man asked, “Then to whom?”
The Prophet said, “Your mother.”
The man asked, “Then to whom?”
The Prophet replied, “Your mother.”
Then the man asked the fourth time that, “Then to whom?”
The Prophet replied, “Your father.”
This give you an idea about that the right of mother upon the children is three times more than the rights of father as far as kindness, compassion and sympathy are concerned.
The indispensable mother,
Listen to Imam Ali Ben Hussein, the great-grandson of the Prophet, who said:
“Coming to the rights of relatives, it is the right of your mother that you:
- Should appreciate that she carried you (in her uterus) as nobody carries anybody,
- And fed you the fruits of her heart which nobody feeds anybody,
-and protected you (during pregnancy) with her ears, hands, legs, hair, limbs, with her whole being, gladly, cheerfully and carefully; suffering patiently all the fears, pains, difficulties and sorrowfulness (of pregnancy), till the hand of Allah separate you from her and brought you into this world.”
-”Then she was most happy feeding you, even if she herself had no clothes; giving you milk and water; not caring for her own thirst; keeping you in the shade, even if she had to suffer from the heat of the sun; giving you every comfort with her own hardship; lulling you to sleep while keeping herself awake.”
- “And remember that
Her uterus was your home,
And her lap your refuge,
And her breast your feeder,
And her whole existence your protection;
It was she, not you, who was braving the heat and cold of this world for your safety.”
“Therefore, you must remain thankful, grateful and indebted to her accordingly”.
What a piece of art that should be taught and educated to all the kids in schools!
You will be asked about womb
O mankind! Reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single Person, created, of like nature, his mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women; fear Allah, through Whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (the uterus that bore you): for Allah ever watches over you. (Surah 4:1),
This means that you are going to be asked about what you have done to the uterus which gave you the life (i.e. your mother).
What if the mother is nonbeliever or agnostic?
Allah says: “And Allah have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to ME and to your parents, - unto Me is the final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to ME will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.” (Surah 31:14-15)
Allah has obligated the good treatment of parents that are agnostic. Giving them respect and kindness, in spite of the heinous sin which they are telling their child to commit, which is the crime of associating something in worship with Allah. What then do you think is the case with Muslim parents, especially if they are righteous?
By Allah, their rights are among the most important and most certain rights, and fulfilling these rights in a proper manner is one of the most difficult and most important duties. The one who is guided to do this is truly guided, and the one who is not helped to do this is truly deprived.
Be devoted to your parents
Allah has commanded us to treat our parents well and He has linked this to the command to worship Him and the prohibition of associating anything in worship with Him. The rights of the mother in this regard have been emphasized more than those of the father.
“And remember We took a Covenant from the Children of Israel (to this effect): worship none but Allah; treat with kindness your parents and kindred, and orphans and those in need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; And practice regular charity. Then did ye turn back, except a few among you, and ye backslide (even now).” (Surah 2:83].
This means treating them with respect and kindness, and lowering the wing of humility to them, not answering them harshly or glaring at them, not raising one’s voice to them, but being as humble towards them as a slave towards his master.
You have to be patient with your mother and put up with the harsh treatment on her part, which at times maybe upsetting to you. By treating her with respect and dealing with her kindly, you will earn her good pleasure and love. Try to avoid things that will provoke her and make her angry, even if they are in your interests, without causing harm to yourself.
The mother’s rights over her child
The mother has rights throughout her life and also when she died
The mother has many major rights over her child. These rights are innumerable, but we may conclude her the following:
(1) Love and respect, as much as possible, because she is the most deserving of people of her son’s good companionship.
(2) Taking care of her and looking after her affairs if she needs that; this is a debt that rests on the child’s shoulders. Did she not take care of him when he was a child and stay up with him at night and bear it all with patience?
“We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says: “O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favor which Thou hast bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam.” (Surah 46:15)
(3) Not offending her or saying or doing anything that they dislike.
If Allah has forbidden us even to say “uff” [paraphrased as “a word of disrespect” in the translation of the meaning of the verse] to our parents, then how about someone who hits them?!
(4) Spending on her if she is in need and does not have a husband who can spend on her or if her husband is poor; for the righteous, spending on one’s mother and feeding her is more precious than feeding their own children.
(5) Obeying her when she tells you to do something good. But if she tells you to do something bad, such as shirk, then there should be no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.
However, still the mother has rights after her death
(1) After one’s mother dies, it is essential to fulfill any vows that she had made, and to give charity and perform good things on her behalf.
(2) After she dies, it is also mandatory to honor her by maintaining ties with those whom she used to keep in touch with, such as her relatives and friends.
And herein is the golden saying about the mother’ rights in few words,
The mother is your way to the heaven
For more than 1400 years ago, the Prophet Muhammad said:” The paradise is under the feet of the mothers”.
These are the mothers’ rights in Islam.
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